No, I do not miss dating.

So today my friend Kelly – http://athleticsandalcohol.tumblr.com/ – told me a dating story/nightmare from last night.  While it was entirely entertaining, it reminded me of being single and “dating,” the awful, painful process of inorganically meeting other human beings.  It made me ask myself what my absolute worst date was ever. I have had a few, but there was one winner.  And this is my story:

Way back in September of 2008, my single friend and I thought it would be an interesting experiment to participate in a free offer by an online dating service to meet people.  We set up the profiles and checked out who was there on the internets, single and ready to mingle.   While the prospects weren’t exactly promising, there were one or two that I would consider giving a chance.

One suitor, Jeff, seemed like a nice guy.  He and I actually had a few friends from college in common and he worked at the Post Office down the street from me (postal workers can’t be crazy, right?!).  We chatted online for a bit, then via text, and then he called me a few times.  He seemed to be nice, and I agreed to go to dinner with him.  He had “no idea” where to take me to dinner, which is always a bad sign.  In my opinion, if a man asks a lady to dinner, he should have a plan on where this dinner will take place.  I HATE it when the man says “oh it doesn’t matter, we can go wherever you want.”  Well, I come from the old-school train of thought that the man should pay if he asks out a lady.  So please do not ask me where I would like to go.  I am not going to tell you where to spend you money.  He eventually came up with the suggestion of La Tolteca.  Fine, I’ll eat Mexican.  He said that he worked until 5:30, was 6:30 ok? Also, fine.  On the day of the date, he showed up at 7:00P.m. looking NOTHING what his clean cut online photo resembled.  He had long (like girl-long) greasy hair.  The photo was CLEARLY taken at least 3 years ago.  Whatever.  At dinner he refused to ask any questions.  When I would try and start conversations I would get blank stares or one word answers.  I looked to the waitress for help.  I considered going to the bathroom and fleeing, but I was raised better than that.  Plus my enchiladas were delicious.  When the check came he looked at me and told me that I owed $11.50.  Oh, ok? So at the end of the date he said he had a great time and would I consider going out again. I freaked and said “yeah sure” before fleeing.  No effin way.

So the next day I received a message asking when I would like to go out again.  I told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea.  He then told me that I was an “ugly person inside” even though I was “attractive outside” and that he was too mature for me.  He then deleted me on facebook.  I have successfully gone through my facebook archives to find this utter GEM of a message response.  For your viewing pleasure:

Alexis Lattari September 7, 2008 at 6:23pm
Ok, I was trying to be nice and not do this but I feel that you are leaving me no choice. First of all, please do not try and pretend that you are “maturing.” You are 26 years old and playing games on the internet. Grow up. (I like that you removed me as a friend on facebook, too.) Second of all, I guess you hadn’t noticed, but we have nothing in common. We also had zero chemistry. You also completely misrepresented yourself with your profile. Your picture does not look like you and you live with your parents, not roommates. Also, do not claim to be a gentleman if you have no idea what that means. You were late picking me up. And if you ask a girl to dinner, you should at least offer to pay for her. I’m not high maintenance or a gold digger, I just think you should know that if you want to leave a good impression on a girl, pay on the first date and open the car door. Those things are no-brainers. 

I hope all goes well for you in the future. And although you found it appropriate to judge my character without having any prior knowledge of who I am, I hope there are no hard feelings. Good luck,

Lex

With this reply:

Jeffrey – September 7, 2008 at 9:31pm
Well, thank you for letting me know. That was all I wanted to know, why lie to me in my car and say that you were interested in going out again? Just tell me you had a lousy time and I’ll probably be the crappy date you’re telling the next guy that takes you out about and I’d have been happy with that. 

So after reading all your complaints. I do have to say that I am sorry for wasting your time and providing you with the worst night of your life. I hadn’t been out in a while and was quite a bit rusty, but yeah that’s no excuse..

I’ll find someone else now to provide a shitty time to or I might just call it quits on dating and be a pathetic single man.(I’m well on my way to that. I have a good job and I’m a good athlete, aside from that, I’m pretty much garbage, I know) Which is why I’m wasting my time online or on yahoo trying to find a girl…….

Sorry for deleting you too, but it appears to be obvious you’re not interested in friendship or anything, so what point is it to keep you on there?

I need a haircut 😦

Later Lexy

Jeff

****************************************

Nope.  I do NOT miss dating AT ALL.  This small trip through time reminds me how much I love my boyfriend and how thankful I am that I (hopefully) never have to go through and awkward first date with a sociopath ever again.

p.s. a few months later I received a message from this man inquiring if I was “still stalking” Obama.  I replied “do not contact me again.”

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2 Comments

  1. I appreciate your sympathy.

  2. I don’t miss dating at all either! So much of a hassle…so glad the “dating” period with my now hubby maybe lasted a week or so? too many guys playing games out there for sure…

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